E.mo.tion.al!!

This may be a bit too honest for the world wide web... So I have been extremely emotional for the past week and yesterday was my breaking point. Everything made me cry, the thought of having a baby made me cry, the thought of being pregnant made me cry, the thought of delivering a baby made me cry, the thought of losing this baby makes me cry, I cry when Nick looks at my growing belly, I cry that no company will ship the crib I want over here. I was a crybaby yesterday. I took it out on hubby yesterday when we were planning to try to capture some family pictures and he turned into his normal self trying to get out of it, coming up with every excuse to get out if it and making things into a huge rush made me break down. I didn't want to admit that it was the hormones because I really didn't think so, but then 2 hours later when I'm still crying, maybe it was? I've said some pretty mean things about this pregnancy, I think because I'm afraid to be happy and get attached. I'm sad that I don't get more time, just Xander and I, but am trying to come to terms with it. I don't understand how we can go ten years trying for a baby, going through MANY MANY infertility treatments, not carry a baby to term, adopt a baby, then 2 weeks after our family being together we are pregnant without any treatments? I'm confused. I'm scared. I'm in denial that all this is the way it's supposed to be. It's too soon I tell myself. Nothing I can do but try to relax and enjoy. As I was telling hubby this, he said I needed to start trying to enjoy the pregnancy and be happy because later after the baby is born I will regret not being happy. He is right. I will try. I just don't know how. Onto other things now... Xander is making a recovery. Yesterday he had 2 regular poops and 1 runny one. He's sleeping through the night, for the 4th night in a row now. He's not going to sleep before 1030 pm so I'm going to try to change that, but he's sleeping till 7-730 then going back to sleep after diaper change and bottle. It's so nice to sleep through the night again. We decorated our Christmas tree on Friday. Nick actually wanted to help this year so we did it early. I usually do it the weekend after Thanksgiving, but since he's going to be gone, he brought the tree up early and we decorated early. No harm, just get to enjoy it more. We also wrapped the presents we had bought, and the one from Nana so far. the weekend after Thanksgiving I will hang the door hangings and the lights on the windows and patio. I'm 23 weeks 1 day today. I feel the baby move a lot now. It's all surreal. I actually laughed a few nights ago because I didn't feel anything all day and the second I placed the Doppler on my belly, baby was moving all over the place and it felt so weird. Have a great day!