Parenting

Let's talk parenting styles, from a non-expert.  

In our house, there are 2 different types.  I parent to care, have relaxed structure, teach, soothe, and raise loving obedient children.  Nick tends to parent more on the approach that he knows best and that the kids' needs are not always as important or maybe urgent like I tend to think (maybe I should go this direction?).  Sometimes having these 2 different styles of parenting are good for our family.  Nick puts me in my place sometimes letting me know that every little whine or scream does not account for mommy's help or need my attention.  And sometimes I have to let Nick know that the kids' cries are "urgent".  For me, it's not that I think every cry is an emergency, I just feel like I have to figure out what has made the child upset and try to console them.  I have to learn that the kids have to figure it out on their own...sometimes.  

We try not to argue in front of the kids about parenting because we don't want them to see our differences.  The kids could then see our differences and use it to their advantages.  Not what we want so we try to work it out "behind the scene".  We both make compromises.

Discipline is a huge battle in our home.  Now that Xander is old enough to understand what he has done wrong, it's important to start early with positive discipline.  We both believe spanking is okay, but I believe that no mark should ever be left on a child (that means you don't spank hard), while Nick thinks it's pointless to spank if the child don't feel it to understand they did wrong.  It worked for him growing up, so it's okay for him to spank to feel it nowadays?  I get upset over this.  It's probably from my childhood, but I don't feel you should lay your hands on a child so hard that you leave marks.  It's a battle.  We're working on this one.

We do have to effective discipline methods that have been working for us.  I use the "take a break away from the situation", otherwise known as time-out.  It works for Xander.  He usually calms down from what he was doing wrong, forgets about it, and goes onto another project when he's allowed up.  Nick uses a stern voice and a hand thump.  It works.  So far for Sterling, she receives Nick's method of discipline.  It works for her.  When she's older and understands, we'll find what works for her.  I'm not sure that sitting still will work for her, like Xander.  She's too busy and always on the go.  It would be good for her to take a break, but I'm just not seeing it in her future.

I still have to figure out a discipline method for while we are out in public because obviously you can not raise your voice, get stern, and set them aside for a break without someone calling the cops on you for disciplining your child.  Most times I'll let my child scream the whole way through the store.  I don't typically give in.  But, I do get frustrated that they are screaming, so I tend to hurry it up and get out.  I go to the store for a reason, to get something, so i'm going to get what I went for.  I'm not going to leave when my child has a screaming fit.  If your a parent, you'd understand and not give dirty looks...is how I feel.  

It has been a lot of trial and error when it comes to parenting.  Being first time parents to a now toddler is a challenge at best.  Well worth every minute of the challenges, but also can become stressful.  We all have our moments, but in the end only one thing matters.  We love our family.

Happy Sunday!